[this is me]

`sophia
`twenty two
`king's college london (gkt)
`5th yr medic
`concord ('04)
`nygh (4/7 '02)
`netball
`160586

hits.

[my dearest]

amie
andrew
ange
angeline
audrey
cc guys
cheryl
chok
diana
ding
frankie
hong
janice
jie
jose
kiwi
leona
old me
siew
trace
wei
yanni
yong
zhi

Monday, September 15, 2008

I suddenly feel rather lost and sad. Many people come in and out your life all the time, but yet I feel upset that I cannot keep in touch with all those that mean/meant something to me. I know it's a sad fact of life, but I feel a need to keep in touch with the many people that came into my life. But it's so difficult, like I only have one heart, one mind, and there's so much I can only remember (I do have a goldfish memory btw). And when I do randomly think about someone, poof, one year has passed. This makes me wonder what have I done in the past year, not keeping in touch with this person. Then I feel upset.

So tell me what to do. I mean I can't ignore certain people, cos they are important. But yet I can't keep up, there's just too many. Too many that means something to me.

And then there's this group of people that means the world to me, but they are ignoring me. Great. Well it's my fault, but what I absolutely hate the most is they don't tell me why. At least if they tell me, then I'll know and won't bother anymore. But they just ignore me, and of cos there's no way I'll ever know unless they start talking to me. I don't know man. I don't know what to do. Feel so lost, so lost.

It makes me wonder whether I'm a bad person. I can't keep in touch with the first group of people more often than I wished to, and there's this second group of people who's ignoring me. My friends would know what it means to me to know that I'm a good person, I'm a good person at heart. That's why I do certain things, that's why I want to achieve certain things. I mean I geuninely believe I'm a good person, and I'm not malicious or evil. But what if all this is just an act by myself? What if all these are just my little self-denial excuses? Man, I am mad.

I think I'm very afraid that one day, it will dawn upon me that all these are nothing but lies. I think when that day comes, I'll go kill myself. Because when that day comes, to me there's no purpose in life anymore.

How awesome...

S ranted at 2:27 am | 0 comments

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Dance like no one's watching you.
Love like you will never get hurt.
Sing like no one can hear you.
Live like heaven is on earth.